5 Things That Millennials Will Make Disappear

Shazam. Presto. Now you see it, now you don’t! Millennials are the new Master Magicians that will make these 5 things disappear. Every generation changes things, but Millennials are changing everything.

Antique Furniture 

My son calls it “brown stuff.” This is the precious, 19th-century bedframe that creaks, is too small, and has carvings of apples and pears on the headboard (apples and pears-- what where they thinking?) It is ugly, heavy, and not practical, but it is Grandma Neff’s! \

That was the refrain for the last couple of generations, but Millennials will break with tradition on this one. So, sorry Grandma Neff. But you will be happy to know your progeny is sleeping soundly on an air mattress Ikea bed frame that weighs 1 pound that he assembled himself with his good friend, the Ikea YouTube channel.

Big Houses

Boomers loved big houses. It fit their big ego and stored all the crap they bought over the years but never used. Xers bought big houses because didn’t really think about housing one way or another. They’d shrug and say, “Yea, sounds good”. They were too busy clearing the road for their kids with their snowplows to count up the square footage of their basement that, unbeknownst to them, had been converted to a Dave & Busters.  Millennials, on the other hand, prefer micro-housing. 600 square feet for a family 3 is about right. Small you say? Not for Millennials. You can stack Millennials like cords of wood. Perfectly happy.

Silverware and China

Do I have to even explain this one? Aunt Helen and Uncle Max would be sooo disappointed if you ever got rid of it. But Millennials have different ideas. They are Googling “at what temperature does silver melt?” and “current price for an ounce of silver”. The China? Fugetaboutit. You can’t even sell it at a garage sale. Best to use the set for a very special, one-time-only game of Frisbee Golf.

Cars

I will probably get hate mail from this. But let’s get real about transportation in the future. Millennials use mass transit like Gen Z uses the word “like.”  Most Millennials don’t like cars for three reasons:

1) they are frugal and a new car is the cost of what a house was when Boomers were young,

2) They think cars are dangerous, even with comfy airbags (if they only knew about my 1974 Ford Pinto that would explode if it got rear-ended—yes, actually explode), and

3) They don’t know how to buy a car anyway because there isn’t the perfect YouTube video on “How to buy a car.”

Democracy

Uh-oh. Not a good idea. Indeed, Millennials are far more favorable toward socialism compared to older generations. Free healthcare? Yep. How about free education? You bet. The workers control the means of production? Check, comrades.

Actually, I wouldn’t worry about making this disappear. The only way this would happen is if they react to a leader who censors the press, politicizes civil service, and uses the state to punish opponents. I just can’t see that happen in a civil democracy.

So, wave the magic wand and say farewell amigos!